IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER....
1. Knives are swords.
"If hobbits and dwarves and the children of Narnia can bear them....so can I." -Avery
(found today in the top bunk coveting my turkey carving knife under a pillow. I just uttered a prayer of "THANK GOD nothing happened to him" and gently removed the knife to a place so safely out of the way that next Thanksgiving I will probably have to carve my turkey with chopsticks). I still don't know where he got it from . YIKES!!!)
2. Don't pee your pants. No.....pee in any open container available in the moment. But just don't pee your pants.
3. Pick mommy's single most expensive hair product and use it to wash the carpet.
4. Open door policy. .....In the fridge. Get whatever food you want, whenever you want, partially eat it and then grind it into the nearest available furniture or crevice. Leave fridge door open on your way out for proper ventilation of food.
5. Turn fridge control to OFF. This will greatly excite mommy at around midnight when she is looking for a snack and realizes everything is room temperature.
6. While we are on the topic of food, make it HOT. Doesn't matter if it is not normally nuked, but place any food item or toy in microwave and turn on by pressing whatever buttons necessary. NOTE: If you see fireworks...run and hide under your bed.
7. IMPROVISE. Can't find the foam bullets for your air gun? Break open your LED light you got from the parade, pop out the little stack of cell batteries, and you have instant METAL bullets perfect for loading into your high powered air gun (the one that DADDY bought you, remember?)