Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Top Ten Reasons Why I haven't been Blogging...

Ok, so this email is the true confessions of a frazzled mom, and will (hopefully) shatter some people's images that I have it "all togther"....but it needs to be said: raising boys (brothers) during the toddler years is perhaps the most courageous and absolutely irrevocably INSANE thing I (or anyone else who shares my plight) has ever undertaken. So here is the long awaited dose of reality that really should have been blogged long ago.

....And so begins the top ten reasons that I have not been blogging:

10. Donovan now insists that I share in the funniest moments of whatever he sees on TV...it began with him just coming to me and saying "mommy- watch, this is funny"....and has now evolved into him grabbing my head in his hands and holding my face in the direction of the TV until the said funny part is over. Due to this I am learning to do many more things without looking.

9. World War III was started between two brothers. I probably need not elaborate here, but now matter how many double sets of the same toys we own, Fraction always wants what Friction has.

8. FOLDED Laundry piles are great for jumping and swimming in.

7. I am collecting children. Watching a precious baby girl (no complaints there) about 4 days a week and then other random little ones pop in and out of my life depending on who is in need. So far...ALWAYS girls. What can I say- I'll take em any way they come:) I guess this child collecting syndrome is also why I have 4 muts in the backyard (which is better than the 18 I had taken in this time last year:)

6. Potty training is a success. Sounds great, right? It is wonderful, except that such little bladders must be emptied ever 20 minutes, followed by extensive religious rituals of hand washing and double flushing...and mad dashes to grab whatever non-childproof item the bathroom counter can offer before mom notices.

5. Nakedness may be native to the Americas, so I guess that would make my boys true indians... for fleshtone is their color of preference. Which means a lot of futile chasing and re-dressing only to find curiously evaporated children in piles of clothes on the living room floor.

4. Scattering. This is perhaps their most finely honed skill- something that I am sure is taught in the Military recon trainings. It works. The image I get when this happens is two cockroaches that zoom for cover in different directions when the lights are turned on. This is practiced for all occasions....meal times, medicine times, diaper changing times, dressing times, undressing times, and just any general moment when I want to assemble them- they seperate, scurry and flee to normally VERY GOOD hiding places.

3. Back to potty training. So Donovan is trained, but has taken this new found independace a bit too far. Our house is long...and both bathrooms are at the exact opposite end from where the kids and I spend most of our time....which makes a long dance to the potty for little men who wait till the last minute. So that is why we have the potty chair in the family room. This way little Mr. Superman Undies can just stop and make a quick deposit any time he feels the need. Works like a charm- we are down to one or two accidents a week. HOWEVER. Little Mr. Superman Undies doesn't bother to tell me when he goes, and I generally don't find out until Avery has concocted some kind of Pee Soup. Avery is very creative in this, using animal crackers and legos, etc, and stirring it all together. This happens daily....and I am just about all out of creative bribes to get Donovan to let me know when he goes!

2. RATTS: Random Acts of Toddler TerrorismS This ranges greatly depending on the day, from egg throwing contests in the kitchen; to climbing up and removing the laundry drain hose from the drain....something I don't notice until our house is flooded; peeing into random objects (flashlights, bottles, you name it); ketchup on the couch; I could go on and on but I have tried to mentally block most of these episodes as a means of keeping my sanity:)

1. I have raised a Clingon. No, he does not have a deformed wrinkly forehead or seriously bad ring around the head hairdo....but he is small and cute and LOUD when he cries. And he cries for everything. I know, its my own fault, but he really has me against a barrel- I was so used to Avery crying since he spent the first 9 months of his life with colic, that I think he and I both learned that toting him around and giving in makes him stop crying. This means he is on my hip for every phone call, sitting in my lap while I edit scores of photos on the computer, and each solo trip to the bathroom for me means instantaneous meltdown of the said Clingon who is throwing an inter-galactical-tantrum outside the bathroom door. Time outs, talks, distraction, positive reinforcement, and AfFIRMittive action (swats on the butt) are to no avail. And my Clingon is thriving, and getting heavier by the day. He has to be attached to me at every second....and for the most part just being in eyesight is not good enough.

So there. That is why there has been such an absence of blogs this spring. I would like to say that it will improve, but from what my mommy friends are telling me, it may take a few years. Obviously, from the list you can tell I have PLENTY of juicy material to blog about, but until they invent a Brain-To-Blog direct system, I will have to make due with this sporadic posting.

Love to you all.

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